Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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