So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're too hungover to prance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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