My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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