I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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