I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize