You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
