I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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