exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
