im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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