I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
