if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
