I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
