The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize