I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's shark week go big or go home
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
