He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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