My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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