you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
