Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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