How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
