Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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