he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
