My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
