Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think my moral compass just broke
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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