just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
