Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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