the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
