I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
