i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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