Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
