mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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