but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
