now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
