the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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