Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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