when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
