theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
