I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
