Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize