my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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