i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Never joke about your clitoris.
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