Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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