Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
