maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
