I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
