My Higher Power is John Stamos
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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