Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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