Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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