grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
