Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
