i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
