oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My balls are so social today.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
