Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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