I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
