First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
barbara walters just said penis...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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