Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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