bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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