They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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