Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
