Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She is in my trunk
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
