Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love accidental penises.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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