I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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