I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
