TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
