Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize