That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
