You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
