There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
