I love black thongs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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