Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
