so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
