Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
