Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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