The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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