mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
