currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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