Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need moral support for this bender
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
