I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
